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When I Grow Up…

What do you want to be when you grow up?  Stupid question.  What defines “grown up?”  An age?  A stage in life?  A certain accomplishment?  There are people my age who consider themselves kids.  There are others who have gone far in their careers, have families, and are living the American Dream.  For me personally, there is no singular end goal, one perfect job or accomplishment.    Each stage in my life brings a new purpose, and often, a new version of me.  I discover a skill, a trait, or a passion hidden in the dark unexplored corners of my soul.  While there are constants in my life, standing still is not a simple task for me.  Of course, there are returning themes in my life, strands that connect one adventure to the next.  Primarily, I have my faith and my family.  As far as personality, I will always love warm sunny weather, napping on the beach, traveling, splashing in puddles, snuggling, kicking empty boxes, hugs and kisses, and sunsets.  These personal indulgences, along with my faith and family, tie together the conquests in my life.  They keep me grounded.

I uncovered a powerful thread that drives the majority of my decisions.  It is behind nearly every project or cause I’ve tackled.  I see it working in my relationships.  It affects how I approach people and even whom I approach.  I wish I could say I’ve known about this for years, but alas, I only discovered it a few weeks ago while listening to my iPod.  Why did it take me [inaudible] years to discover this?  I have no idea.  I feel almost idiotic that I never noticed it as it is undeniably obvious to me now.  Yet, there is a season for everything.  Perhaps I simply wasn’t ready to use this information wisely.  Now I am…hopefully.  What exactly is this force that drives me?  I enjoy psychology, so I naturally wondered if this was the result of genetics or my environment.  Simply put, it is woven into my being.  It is a significant part of who I am.  It is one of the ingredients that combine to make me a unique creation.  Of course my environment contributed to the development of it.  Of interest, I realized I often actively fight this inner drive.  As with any quality, left unchecked, it could become a character flaw.  Unfortunately, I’ve kept it in check far too much.  Unconsciously, I treated it as a character flaw and sought to squash it at every turn, which only created internal conflict.

There is freedom in discovering what makes you tick.  Often we are too busy for introspection.  Understanding who you are created to be frees you to be unique, sovereign, and successful.  I believe God has a plan for me, and he designed me in such a manner so I can accomplish that plan.  I find peace and comfort combined with awe each time I discover something about myself.  Something that has always existed in me, but is a new discovery.


4 thoughts on “When I Grow Up…

  1. Well, John….Sorry for the suspense, but you’ll have to continue with the mystery. The more important idea is that we need to be introspective. Once we figure out what drives us, we can better find our best place in life. We can predict where we will be more likely to struggle and prepare for it. Coaches watch videos of their opponents to capitalize on the weaknesses of the other team and counter their strengths. How often do we do the same thing for ourselves?

    There is one thread of my life that I will share publicly. My love for brownies is an omnipresent force that drives me. Not the “special” brownies, just the normal, cake-like, warm, chocolate….oh I better stop now.

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